Sports Quotes

Funny Sports Quotes and Sayings

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. -Sam Snead

Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen; soccer is a gentleman's game played by beasts; football is a beastly game played by beasts. -Henry Blaha

Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. -Darrin Weinberg

The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn't move, kick it until it does. -Phil Woosnam

The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they do not know the game. -Bill Shankly

I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back. -Eric Morecambe

The serve was invented so that the net could play. -Bill Cosby

Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious. -Ringside Boxing Analyst

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. -Emo Philips

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf will. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you can get so sore at yourself that you forget to hate your enemies. -Will Rogers

Rugby is a good occasion for keeping thirty bullies far from the center of the city. -Oscar Wilde

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very un-orderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off. -Bill Veeck

Baseball is like church. Many attend; few understand. -Leo Durocher

There are more back room staff than there are players out there ... so how the hell does a player think for himself. -Geoff Boycott

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer. -Ted Williams

Serious sport is war minus the shooting. -George Orwell

Cricket is basically baseball on Valium. -Robin Williams

Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake. -Sylvester Stallone

Unintentionally Funny Quotes

Apart from these, sometimes, a quote can unintentionally become witty leading to squeals of laughter. Here are a few examples of such funny quotes from our beloved sportsmen.

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. -Greg Norman

Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical. -Yogi Berra

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me. -Andre Dawson

My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. -Chuck Nevitt

If you come to a fork in the road, take it. -Yogi Berra

Football Quotes

Football Quotes by Coach

A coach can decide if a team goes home full of pride carrying the winning trophy or it keeps figuring out where did it go wrong. Here are some famous lines quoted by the coach of various football teams.

"Coaching is not a natural way of life. Your victories and losses are too clear cut." - Tommy Prothro

"What makes a good coach? Complete dedication." - George Halas

"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel." - Bobby Bowden

"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game." - Bear Bryant

"Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport." - Duffy Daugherty

Football Quotes on Winning

Every team plays to win, every team plays for the trophy, and every team plays for its pride...

"When you win, nothing hurts." - Joe Namath

"If it doesn't matter who wins or loses, then why do they keep score?" - Vince Lombardi

"Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing." - Vince Lombardi

"For me, winning isn't something that happens suddenly on the field when the whistle blows and the crowds roar. Winning is something that builds physically and mentally every day that you train and every night that you dream." - Emmitt Smith

"Winning isn't everything, but it beats anything that comes in second." - Paul "Bear" Bryant

"Show class, have pride, and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself." - Paul "Bear" Bryant

Funny Football Quotes

Where there is football, there are men and where there are men, humor follows! Enjoy some of these laughs!

"If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn't the same as the one I was wearing, I'd run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother." - Bo Jackson

"The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public." - Phyllis Diller

"The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer." - John Madden

"A tie is like kissing your sister." - Duffy Daugherty

"A successful coach needs a patient wife, loyal dog, and great quarterback - and not necessarily in that order - Bud Grant

"Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died." - Frank Leahy

Football Quotes on Motivation

Without motivation football does not stand up to its name. Every step a player takes in the field requires motivation, and so does every kick he throws at the ball...

"Always remember..... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David." - Shug Jordan

"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated." - Lou Holtz

"Confidence doesn't come out of nowhere. It's a result of something... hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication." - Roger Staubach

"You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four." - Dan Birdwell

"The only yardstick for success our society has is being a champion. No one remembers anything else." - John Madden

"Success is not forever and failure isn't fatal." - Don Shula